c4bl3fl4m3:

Every year after Christmas I have ideas and sadness around the things I didn’t get for Christmas.

But always, inevitably, by the time my birthday rolls around (it’s at the end of May, so people start asking what I want at the beginning of April or so), I can’t remember any of them, but I remember being disappointed, so I end up having a lot of anxiety around my birthday approaching because I can’t remember what I want, and I’m worried about missing the opportunity, because if I ask for big things outside of those times, I know I won’t get them.

I wish as a birthday present, I could ask for an extra month or 2 (or however long it takes) after my birthday to wait for the anxiety to subside so I can remember what I want, because the anxiety also keeps me from being able to remember things.

And I feel so stupid for this. Like what kind of idiot has mental illness problems that KEEP THEM FROM FIGURING OUT OR REMEMBERING WHAT THEY WANT FOR THEIR BIRTHDAY? Right? I mean, if you really want it, if you’re really so excited about it, you should know, right?

I’ve had my mom hint at if it’s not immediately apparent, then I probably don’t really want it that bad. But it’s so not the case! And all it does it make me feel bad.

I feel awful now. Another birthday is going to come and it’s going to be wasted because I won’t be able to get something I really want or need, and then I’ll have to wait until Christmas again.

Birthdays shouldn’t feel so sad. 😦

This Wondermark is about gift-buying, and I can’t tell if Malki is for or against the characters’ strategies, but they strike me as not-bad ideas. Maybe you could keep a wish-list/diary of some kind?