Why aren’t Fruit Bat Vampires a thing???? Like they have 15 fridges or somehing and are obsessed with watermelons and pineapples. They are more day-light and people friendly. Like super chill. They love just chilling in flowerbeds. They like to farm and garden. “Why would you attack a human WHEN YOU COULD HAVE THIS NECTARINE??”
…that’s adorable I need one.
Always drinking fruit juice, always inviting you to the damn smoothie bar, always at the damn farmer’s market
I may know a few of those.
“Drink of the Kombucha of Immortality, and gain life eternal!”
So back in, like, 1997 the internet was much much smaller than it is now, and you were more likely to bump into The Weird Shit without ever really trying. (These days The Weird Shit is mostly found courtesy of the YouTube Suggested Videos algorithm at three in the morning, but I digress.) I used to bump into The Weird Shit quite often, and this is how I can state with some authority that somewhere over there, about three internet doors down past the Chemtrail people are a group of black-clothed folk who believe (or claim to believe) that they are Psychic Vampires™ who steal Life Force Energy from… lettuce. And apples. Maybe the occasional kumquat. (I’m not judgin’. If you aren’t hurting anybody, you do you.) They are technically not wrong, but I think a more scientifically accurate name for this vampiristic process is “metabolism.”
None of them ever claimed that they could transmogrify into a fruit bat, though, and that makes me sad.
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Mooncustafer 