c4bl3fl4m3:

goldenheartedrose:

prosthetical:

justgot1:

andreashettle:

darlingobscene:

adhdstim:

thecuckoohaslanded:

lovepsychothefirst:

kaseysellingseashells:

queerwashing:

if you give me a task with no deadline i will literally never do it but if you give me a deadline i will get it done exactly 1 hour before the deadline even if the deadline is in six years

#this is ADHD#or possibly another executive function disorder but ADHD is the only one I really know about#the reason for this is an ADHD brain does not have an internal feedback system#ADHD brains require external input to make up for missing executive functions#like the ability to process multi-step tasks with delayed consequences#because to an ADHD brain#things don’t exist in the absence of consequences#meaning#people with ADHD are drawn to things like video games because the feedback is external and immediate#every action you take has an immediate effect on the game environment#and you can SEE that your actions are providing xp or moving a task towards completion#but for something like homework#the consequences of that homework being done do not exist until that homework must be turned in#and it’s either done or not done at that point#which is why people with ADHD function best closest to deadlines#the consequences of that work being done must be IMMEDIATE to compel the brain to see it as a task that requires completion#because the further out a task is from the consequences of it being done#the more an ADHD brain is incapable of acknowledging it#TASKS DO NOT EXIST TO YOU UNLESS THERE IS IMMEDIATE EXTERNAL FEEDBACK#THIS IS ONE OF THE BIGGEST PROBLEMS WITH ADHD BECAUSE TO OTHER PEOPLE IT DOES LOOK LIKE LAZINESS#BUT A LAZY PERSON JUST WOULDN’T DO THE TASK AT ALL#AND ADHD PERSON STRESSES THEMSELVES HALF TO DEATH TO GET THINGS DONE#BUT ISN’T CAPABLE OF STARTING THEM EARLIER TO PREVENT THE STRESS#BECAUSE THE TASK DOES NOT EXIST UNTIL IT NEEDS TO BE EITHER DONE OR NOT DONE#IT’S KIND OF LIKE SCHRODINGER’S BOX#THE TASK DOESN’T HAVE TO BE DONE OR NOT DONE UNTIL THERE ARE CONSEQUENCES FOR ITS STATE OF COMPLETION#so what LOOKS like laziness to other people#is actually a VERY SERIOUS FAILURE of the brain’s executive function system#which is a VERY serious medical problem#the name ‘Attention Deficit Disorder’ really fails to sell how serious the disorder actually is via @thecuckoohaslanded

god dammit my tags got cut off AGAIN I’m hitting the tag limit on like every post lately, I really need to work on that

Anyway I went on to say that there are 5 major executive functions of the human brain.  These are the ‘higher functions’ that really distinguish between a human brain and that of any other animal.  We have added intelligence on top of that, but these are the functional abilities our brains have that the rest of the animal kingdom does not have on a a structural level.  There are 5 of them.  ADHD affects all 5.  And none of them are actually ‘attention’ (the closest function to anything that can reasonably be called ‘attention’ is what’s called Working Memory, which is your brain’s ability to hold a specific task in mind to come back to it; distractions are inevitable, but a healthy brain will hear a phone ring, look up, and remember to go back to what it was doing before.  An ADHD brain will hear the phone riBANG ALL MEMORY OF THE CURRENT TASK IS GONE.  ADHD brain looks up, sees the name on the caller id, oh it’s an unknown number, oh it’s probably some political pollster, oh man this year’s election is just awful I can’t believe people are supporting that angry cheeto. Oh cheetos I’m hungry I should go make a snack.  What kind of snacks do we have?  Did I remember to buy cereal at the store the other day?  What about dog food?  Oh my god I forgot to let the dog back in the house this is why I should have gotten a cat.  Oh my friend sent me a great cat video earlier I should watch that.  AND GUESS WHAT YOU NEVER GO BACK TO WHAT YOU WERE DOING BECAUSE THE STRUCTURE IN YOUR BRAIN THAT SUPPORTS RETURNING TO A PARTIALLY COMPETED TASK DOES NOT EXIST THE WAY IT DOES FOR A NORMAL HEALTHY BRAIN.  This is why even if you start a task well before a deadline you can’t keep to it until it’s been completed; the consequences of it being done MUST be more compelling than everything else in the immediate environment for the brain to see it.  No matter how much time you give yourself to complete the task, if you have ADHD it will take you 100% of that time, every time, which is why having ADHD actually TEACHES YOU to put things off, because it’s the only way to shorten the total time actually spent completing the task – the disorder rewards you for self-destructive behavior because it’s the only way you can get things done at all, and you end up living in a permanent state of extreme stress, hopping from one emergency deadline to the next even though you hate yourself for it every single time).  The disorder has been horribly named in a way that trivializes just how serious and life-ruining it actually is.

ADHD is a very, very serious disorder and the pop psych/common understanding of it makes it seem HORRIBLY trivial compared to the real damage it actually does to people’s lives.

Well damn….. this makes sense.

<b>ADHD is a very, very serious disorder and the pop psych/common understanding of it makes it seem HORRIBLY trivial compared to the real damage it actually does to people’s lives.</b>

The name “attention deficit disorder” makes it sound like you have less attention than everyone else. But it’s not actually about having less attention, it’s about being unable to regulate your own attention. If you have a non-AD(H)D brain with no executive functioning issues, then you get to decide what you think you need to pay attention to right now. And your brain will actually cooperate with you by actually keeping its attention on the thing you have chosen. And if some momentary distraction intervenes, then your brain will actually remember what you were doing a few seconds ago so you realize you need to come back to it. But if you have executive functioning issues, then you don’t get to make that choice. And your brain isn’t going to hold on to the memory of what you were working on even half a second ago. That choice is simply taken away from you because your brain just isn’t constructed to allow that choice. It’s like, you have this great horse in front of you pulling you in your wagon. And you’re seated in the wagon pulling this way and that way on the reins with all your might and passion and will and desire. But there’s something that has gone really wrong somewhere between your hands and the horse’s mouth, because most of the time the horse doesn’t seem to even notice that you’re trying to pull on the reins at all, even when you’re putting all your muscle into it. And your hands are blistering because of the chafing of the reins in your hands. And you still have very little to nothing to show for it because the horse didn’t even notice your trying. And all this is assuming that you even remember you have reins in your hands at all, or a horse, or a direction you had meant to go in, from one second to the next. And all this still assumes that you will still remember you have those reins, or the horse, or the direction in the next second after that. And still again, all over again, in the next second after that one. Ad infinitum.

Executive functioning issues can have a huge impact, not only on people with attention deficit disorder, but also for autistic people. 

I believe to some extent executive functioning issues can also co-exist with depression? and anxiety disorder? And maybe also obsessive-compulsive disorder? And Tourette’s syndrome? (Though many people with Tourette’s do also have attention deficit disorder and/or obsessive-compulsive disorder?) And maybe other things too that I don’t remember. I’m not sure if these are to the same degree as they are for people with AD(H)D or for autistic people, I welcome input from people with more awareness.

OH LOOK IT ME.

I compare my relationship to time as walking in a heavy fog bank, where anything far ahead is difficult to make out and it isn’t until you’re nearly upon them that they become clear and real. What seems like laziness and impulsiveness is actually an inability to really understand how to plan and use time.  And what makes it worse, is that you get blamed by the entire world for something you can’t help, you anger people and exasperate your friends and spend your whole life feeling inadequate and defensive. Yeah, it sucks and has kind of ruined my life tbh.

@goldenheartedrose

Meeeeee.

yes this.

Also “ No matter how much time you give yourself to complete the task, if you have ADHD it will take you 100% of that time, every time, which is why having ADHD actually TEACHES YOU to put things off, because it’s the only way to shorten the total time actually spent completing the task” explains why, every time my parent was like “so how long do you think it will take you to do your homework?” or “how much longer do you need to finish what you’re doing?” I could NEVER come up with an answer. I have NO IDEA how long ANYTHING will take me. It takes the amount of time it takes.

I just wish that amount of time wasn’t getting longer. And I just wish that the external feedback of not getting things done still worked, because I used to be able to scare myself into doing things or finishing things, now I can’t even do that.

I didn’t even get my Christmas tree up this year, when every year it’s been taking me longer and longer to get it up and decorated, and this year was the year it wasn’t going to happen on Christmas Eve/Christmas Day, I swore it.

(I feel so deeply ashamed. Putting up my tree used to be something I got excited about, that I could get done in a few hours. Now I can’t even get it done at all. I feel like a freak.)

I don’t know whether I have ADHD, but the fog-bank description is exactly how life feels to me.