yay4hamlet:

yay4hamlet:

Did I ever tell you all about the time a kid in my high school literally pretended to drink a thing of Windex so the teachers would panic and send him to the hospital and he wouldn’t have to take the test

Alrighty here is the Windex Kid Story:

We had this HUGE test that day. There was a big party the night before and we were all so exhausted; I don’t think I’ve ever been in a more tired and unprepared class. I include myself in this, as I was making interval trips to the bathroom because I ate so much sugar the night before that I was throwing up the whole next day.
Needless to say, we didn’t want to do the test and literally looked and felt like zombies. Girls were crying, boys were laying on the floor sweating profusely. It was weird and gross.

So there was this boy, the Windex Kid. I think his name was Jed or something. He was this really quiet boy who always was reading and didn’t make much of an impression until The Day.
Five minutes before the test, in the cafeteria, he took the Windex bottle from the cleaning closest, emptied it and poured his blue Gatorade in it. Put it in his backpack and we went into the classroom, not really paying attention to what he did a minute prior.

It was all quite grand and not unlike a movie scene. The test is about to start. We all are ready to fail and our grades to crash for the semester. I’m ready to vomit again. Windex Kid stands up says in a loud voice “FUCK THIS TEST” and proceeded to drink the Gatorade out of the Windex bottle.

Naturally, it looks just Ike Windex and the teacher panics, thinking a kid just poisoned himself in her class. She calls 911 in a panic. The ambulance comes. We all get sent home early as he’s taken to the hospital where they would soon discover that all there was was Gatorade in his stomach.
He was a real hero; he took a bullet for the team. His legacy is still spoken about in that school, my younger brother confirms. Afterwards, he slipped back into oblivion and his books. His glimmer of fame vanished into the darkness, not unlike himself.

I still think about him sometimes and wonder what he’s doing with his life. I’m sure whatever it is, it’s fantastic.