fitchersvogel:

That post about the dude who flipped out bc a girl was nice to him and then didn’t want to fuck him reminded me of one of the more upsetting experiences I’ve had with a man.

SO when I was an undergrad I took Latin, and one day I grabbed coffee after class with the dude who sat next to me. We chatted about… Suetonius, I think? And our other courses and stuff. Totally innocuous conversation.

Next day, in one of my other classes, a delivery guy comes in with a box of a DOZEN RED ROSES and calls out my name. In the middle of class! Interrupting everything! I, burning with embarrassment and confusion, accepted the roses. The professor, bless him, just picked up again like nothing happened.

After class, I run away and open the box. Inside, the roses, and a pink envelope. Inside the envelope was a poem. A sonnet, actually. From the dude I’d had innocuous coffee with the day before.

Ten lines of the sonnet praised my ~beauty, with 3 ENTIRE LINES devoted to my boobs. I’ve repressed most of it, but the phrase “beautiful bosom straining your sweater” was used. BEAUTIFUL BOSOM AAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHH. The last four lines were devoted to saying that I seemed, like, smart and stuff, and would I go out with him.

So I had to hunt down this dude before Latin class, and thank him for the flowers (NOT THE POEM DEAR GOD) but say I’m not interested. He cried. And then sat at the other end of the classroom and glared at me for the rest of the semester.

This was one of the most agonizing experiences of my life, and I was the one doing the rejecting. It was just so skin-crawlingly creepy, even BEFORE I saw the the poem about my boobs. Especially because he sent the flowers/poem to one of my OTHER classes–he had to have tracked down my schedule. Just, for fucks sake. ONE conversation, and this dude conjured up a Grand Romance that demanded a Grand Gesture to a girl he barely knew in front of an entire classroom of strangers.

TL;DR: Don’t ever talk to any man, ever, because you might wind up humiliated and with the words “beautiful bosom straining your sweater” etched into your mind for all eternity.