Murderbait: I am all alone. Oh, it’s you.
Murderbait: *squelch*
Murderbait: Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal! *dies*
Murderer: *is unseen*
CREDITS!
Main detective: *sits sad and alone in their barren life*
Pathologist: I have unlikely details for this death.
Main detective: I SMELL MURDER. I will solve this murder because of my sad past and my dead wife/child/cat/former sergeant/parent. The fact that solving this murder is my job has no bearing on my decision to solve this murder.
DCI: THIS IS CASE IS NOT MURDER. NOW OPEN THIS GARDEN CENTRE.
Main detective: THIS GARDEN CENTRE IS THE KEY TO THE MURDER.
Tortured Sergeant: I am unsure but over-educated.
DCI: You are both ridiculous smh fml why am i in charge of you
Main detective: THIS UNLIKELY SEEMING CLUE IS THE KEY TO THE MURDER
Tortured Sergeant: I am flirting with this third person to further the investigation.
Person: *dies*
Tortured Sergeant: I am more tortured than before!
Main detective: I WILL SOLVE THIS NEW MURDER. AND THE OLD MURDER. AND ALL THE OTHER MURDERS. MURDERS ARE MY JOB but not that way.
DCI: This might now be murder but i still hate you both. Out of sheer spite i am suspending you both from the case and handing it over to this peon, your incompetent arch-nemesis. I am great at police-work.
Main detective: …fuck that.
Tortured Sergeant: *broods*
Main detective: Come, tortured sergeant, we have a murder to solve!
Tortured Sergeant: *brooding intensifies*
Main detective: THIS PERSON IS THE KEY TO THE MURDER!
DCI: Oh fuck everything.
Pathologist: This new information changes everything. Also maybe I should have noticed it earlier. My bad lol.
Main detective: OH MY GOD THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING.
Main detective: I will go and investigate this by myself without back up. That’s a SUPER idea. There is literally no way that this can go wrong.
Murderer: hi
Main detective: CURSES.
Tortured sergeant: *broods*
Main detective: little help please?
Tortured Sergeant: HOLY SHIT THE MURDERER.
Murderer: I did not factor getting caught into my schemes. Alas. I am foiled.
Main detective: You’re booked, mate.
DCI: that should not have worked out well. the paperwork is all yours. also, i still hate you.
The most dangerous thing any character in a movie/tv show can do is look towards someone out-of-shot and say “oh, it’s you.”
Mooncustafer 