how to get a boyfriend according to the epic of gilgamesh

thoodleoo:

1. be a terrible demigod king who rules his people so cruelly that they must call to the gods for help
2. be so horrible that the gods literally create a man just to deal with your bullshit and let him loose in the woods
3. send a prostitute to introduce the man to civilization by having sex with him for a week straight
4. literally have dreams about how much you will love this man
5. get punched in the face by this man that the gods created for you because you are terrible and need to be stopped
6. congrats, you have a boyfriend now