I was going to direct something like this at @qqueenofhades, but then I became overcome with apostolic fervor about this movie. (I am, among certain of my college friends, still slightly notorious for my apostolic fervor about this movie. It’s a reputation I’m happy to live with.) I discovered, in thinking about it, that it’s extremely hard to explain how great Casablanca is without spoiling the plot, because so much about loyalties, identities, and even facts is only gradually revealed. Which is, in itself, no small part of how great Casablanca is. So my manifesto comes in the form of a Dramatis Personae, viz.:
Abdul, the Arab bouncer who cooly stares down Nazi businessmen and gives the headwaiter the honorific “Professor”
Said Austrian headwaiter, Karl, adorable man, who encourages émigrés and does the books (is he on the run because of his blood or his ideas? we don’t know)
Corina, who left Salazar’s Portugal in order to play her guitar here
Sasha, who probably got exiled for being at the wrong demonstration, and now tends bar and flirts (both full-time)
Emil, the Jewish croupier, who knows that justice sometimes requires breaking the rules
Sam, the Black pianist who sings defiantly of good luck and plays his own compositions in the evenings
Rick – smoldering, wisecracking Rick – whose rigid, scarred, cynical neutrality keeps this strange collection of refugees safe in a powder-keg of a city
I LOVE EVERYONE IN THIS LITERAL BAR.
And then, of course, other people walk into it:
Captain Renault, original Disaster Bi™, who is Claude Rains and who snarks his way through administering a Vichy outpost. DISASTER of a man. And every one of his moments on screen is priceless.
Major Strasser… look, it’s not every day that the Evil Nazi™ is played with aristocratic coolness by a man who was one of the greatest actors of Berlin’s 1920s/30s film scene, and went on the run from Literal Nazis for a laundry list of reasons.
Victor Laszlo… journalist, dork in love, became a heroic Resistance leader kind of by accident, now makes bad jokes about it (while in constant danger of dying, of course.) PROTECT HIM.
Ilsa Lund: she is so perfect, playing her role, accepting the tribute of adoration even from corrupt Vichy officials and working as a silent partner in the Resistance movement and telling off the Evil Nazi™ because she’s that much of a badass and… I love her, okay?
Look. Look. It has cinematography. (Also, you could try to tell me that’s not a gay couple walking into the bar, but I won’t believe you.) In conclusion: do yourself the favor. Watch this film. Then go forth with apostolic fervor. And, if you want, tell me about it? It could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
Mooncustafer 