the thoughts of diogenes of sinope but presented as if they’re dril tweets

thoodleoo:

• “in case anyone was wondering, yes, that is me running naked throug the agora with a lantern every day, yelling for an honest man as my dick swings magnificently in the breeze”
• yeah i only own this cup, yuo could say i
  live the simplest life (sees 9 yo child drink from hands) oh shit, oh fuck (zeus
  strikes me w a thunderbolt bc of my hubris
• (after telling alexander the great to get out of my sunlight) its a tough job out here to own all the fools and trolls on twitter dot com but its a burden im willing to bear
• “shitting in a bush outside the marketplace when i hear a bard reciting homer. i do what i must. i stand tall in complete agony; as shit runs down my leg”
• “i will never log off!” i holler as i am dragged from the agora for jerking off near the red figure boar vases
• “im going to hold my breath until all
  the trolls in athens are banned" i say. immediatly i collapse dead on the
  ground and a dog eats my corpse as my soul descends to tartarus 
• (while holding a plucked chicken with fake nails glued to its feet) “it is with a heavy heart that i must announce that plato is at it again”