Dear Editor, upon having heard of the most scandalous conducts and latest horrific escapades of your Nephew (even in his own voice & oozing of a horrid boastfulness) I have, forgive me my forwardness which does contradict not being acquainted personally to you, taken it upon myself to devise a plan to bridle the young gentleman’s temperament effectively. It is a true shame your Nephew did not make landfall in Canada & in a gross misjudgement of geography found himself in Italy instead. (1/3)

georgiansuggestion:

My Closest Friend Mrs S- being the wife of the Lieutenant-Governor of Upper Canada, I have writ to her on your behalf & petitioned her to speak to her husband. Yesterday I received word from Niagara that the Gov. will be pleased to offer your Nephew the position of ensign in the Queen’s Rangers, of which he is the Col. & is presently engag’d in road-building at the newly founded town of York. He should make good on his promise to you to go to Canada & you shall be rid of him. The young gentleman will find himself in humble surroundings of great natural beauty, which should strengthen whatever Goodness is left in him & prevent him from such odious vices as gambling etc. His youthful strength he will put to good use serving his King & the community & when he may return in a few years’ time, I am of no doubt you shall find him thoroughly reform’d. You must only make sure he boards the right ship this time and all will be well. Your obedient svt., Mary Anne Burges     

My Dear Mrs Burges–

How Blessed I am to have Such Friendship and Benevolence surrounding myself and my Family, whose Understanding and Forgiveness see our Follies and Misdeeds and in Turn offer Opportunities for Reflection, Improvement, and Good Works in Name of King and Country! While I am Cognizant of his Many Faults and Transgressions, and have conveyed to my Readership a Definite Frustration with his Habits and Vices, I remain Deeply Fond of my Nephew and I regret that he shall be gone from us for Such an Extended Duration. However, I as Well as Anyone can see the Merit and Necessity of his Improvement, lest he become so Dissolute and Ungovernable that he is of No Use to Any body.

I Therefore accept your Generous Offer on my Nephew’s Behalf; As he remains at Present Under my Power, though Only for a Short Duration Yet, his Wishes in this Matter are Secondary, and I am of your Mind, Madam, that a True Excursion into the Canadian Wilderness will prove Edifying to his Character and grant him Much-needed Mettle. His Unfortunate Misadventure with the Charlatan who lured him to Italy Aside, he was at that Time Truly Intent upon his New Course, and I have Every Hope that Sentiment remains Within him, thus I believe there should be no Difficulty in convincing him to undertake the Journey.

Further, I do not believe he will require an Excess of Persuasion, as he has of Late been ignoring Cards and Letters sent to our House from Creditors and Young Ladies Alike. While I can resolve the Complaints of the Former, I believe it will be in the Best Interests of the Latter Group that he is Far from England and can do no Additional Harm.

Yours &tc.,

The Editor

Supposedly when my great-grandfather immigrated to Canada at the turn of the last century he had some problems with people assuming he was some English family’s feckless younger son who’d been sent abroad to avoid a scandal.