Dear Editor,I have recently come into some trouble regarding my current state of affairs. I’ve been sent down from Oxford and my purse strings tightened by my father, neither of whom share my fervour for atheism, democracy, or the equality of the sexes. My beloved – herself the offspring of prodigious talent – seems my only friend in the world. I have, however, an opportunity to meet an infamous poet, but fear this will only steer me farther from the affections of man. How would you advise me?

georgiansuggestion:

Gentle Reader–

I see in your Current Predicament Simply this: that you are in Want of Money and of the Regard of your Fellow Men, Aims which run Contrary to your Radicalism and your Conduct. To achieve your Ends is a Simple Matter, as it requires Only that you begin to do the Exact Contrary Action of All your are Inclined to, by ignoring this Infamous Man’s Exhortations, turning your Beloved into your Wife, and obtaining an Honest Profession, perhaps as a Typesetter, Clerk, Peat-cutter, or Some Other Hardy Profession to refine your Manly Virtues.

In Several Years’ Time you will have recouped your Reputation to Such a Degree that it is Possible to enter the Better-esteemed Professions of Law, Trade, and So On; Through one of these you may amass your Fortune and direct it, at Last, to Either the Purchase of your own Press or the Commission of Whatever Incendiary Pamphlets, Polemics, Poeticals, or Plays your Heart desires to thrust into the Literary World. The Veil of Anonymity will allow your Ideas, and not your Name, to be heard, and you shall be Able at this Juncture to express your Opinions with Absolute Freedom.

I have no Counsel on how you may contrive to meet this Infamous Poet at a Later Date, for the Plain Reason that I Thoroughly advise Against it; Infamy is a Condition one can Only enjoy once it is Long Ended.

Yours &tc.,

The Editor