One of my favorites is when a religious converter type comes up to me when I’m sitting around. Because they usually have a cold open like “The Lord has called me to you” replying with “Indeed He Has My Child, for He is Pleased With Your Work, and wishes you to know that you are known to Him”. Throw inflections into the wrong points in words, but do it with a very calming presence. After all, you’re the SMS from the afterlife, you’re merely the vessel of the vassal, and nothing scuttles their plans faster than trying to have to process that this very calmly spoken person who InflEcts their words JuiSSSSt quite not riGHt is acknowleding them in an uncomforting way.
Once they leave, watch them until something blocks the line of site, and then move like lightning to not be there when they glance back.
(This is why there are probably some really good rumours in Adelaide about me)
I remember this guy once who tried to dare me (the nerd of the group) to do something or another to prove my “manliness”. I calmly replied “How cute of you to think I´m human…” and kept walking. He stared at me in confusion and when I was several meters away I heard him say “yeah…good point.”
buying peaches is so stressful because you have to consume them so quickly…it’s like the moment the cashier types in that number the alpha peach turns to its brothers in the bags and says “alright listen up boys, it’s time to remember your training. i want to see immense bruising by sundown. i want to see you near inedible by sunrise. remember it is better to die a free man than to be eaten.” you gotta wolf down all of your peaches at the check out counter while the trader joe’s employees eagerly look at the Peach Consumption Countdown Clock and cheer you on. these peaches have sensors on them that can tell when they come into contact with human hands so they can begin their self-destruct sequence like you’re in a spy movie and the peach just relayed a message to you about the whereabouts of jimmy hoffa’s decayed remains
Jimmy Hoffa is likely dead
this response carries so much chaotic cursed energy. jimmy hoffa was declared dead in 1982 after disappearing in 1975. he was born in 1913, meaning he would be the miraculous age of 105 today if he wasn’t dead. “likely dead.” the fact that it’s a hetalia blog trying to tell me that he is likely dead. the fact that i specifically mention his decayed corpse in my post so there is literally no reason for someone to alert me that he is “likely” deceased. the fact that this hetalia blog is trying to tell this to me, a person who up until recently literally worked for the international brotherhood of teamsters as a person in charge of handling their historical records. i spent two years of my life answering phone calls from people asking me if i personally knew what happened to jimmy hoffa’s body. ive spent a significantly longer amount of time trying to forget that hetalia exists. my entire career as a hetalia facebook roleplayer at the age of 11 just flashed through my eyes. i legitimately cannot express how much this response has effected me. ive been staring at it for 7 minutes. i feel like ive entered the twilight zone
I don’t ever remember writing that, when did I write that
This is reality for many individuals. While many in cities look at these headlines, stockpiling for Brexit, army on standby and call it project fear, these people are actually needing to prepare for it, because they are going to be worst affected
Mooncustafer 