Today at work I was telling my co-worker about the time a friend of my brother asked a fast-food worker to put liquid soap on his burger to see if they would.

Co-worker: (thinks about this) Would you sneeze on a burger if someone asked to?

Me: Um, probably not. If they really wanted me to, maybe, but I’d probably ask them to put it in writing so I couldn’t get in trouble with management afterwards.

Her: Would you (something that sounded to me like “pee on someone”)

Me: What, like if they had a fetish?

Her: What

Me: What

I still don’t know what she actually asked me, because I would have had to admit I thought she asked me if I’d pee on someone. I told my spouse about this and he said this happened “because you’re weird and your workplace is normal.”

dragontatoes:

vetstudentlive:

iheartvmt:

moniquill:

fistfulofgammarays:

So I got blood drawn today, and left a note for myself last night to remember to fast.

It was much more confusing at 5AM than it was the night before.

….as a person who works in a medical lab, my initial reaction to that sign was ‘This coffee pot is for use with blood only’ 

We have refrigerators that literally have signs on them that says ‘NO FOOD – BLOOD’ and ‘NO FOOD – SPECIMENS ONLY’ on them. 

Same! and then I was confused as to the why of using a coffee pot for blood storage/processing lol

Here is the opposite

I also was wondering why they were storing blood in a coffee pot, but I can also imagine a newly turned vampire reminding themselves they can no longer eat anything but blood/flesh

theblackelf:

moxperidot:

emperor-of-roses:

a while back my best friend linked me to a thread on homemade My Little Pony transformation hypnosis tapes

that’s a really loaded sentence so let me ease into it

they were like, hour long recordings you were supposed to lay down and listen to and focus on nothing else, that started off with some relaxation techniques then eased into like, “feel your hands becoming hooves. remember pinkie pie’s happy memories. imagine yourself literally becoming pinkie pie. imagine your pink mane. you are literally pinkie pie”

all with the goal of putting you in a mental state where you were convinced you were this cartoon pony. and it was full of people like “wow! this was so relaxing. i felt like i literally Became rarity”

the problem is that human brains are kind of, buggy? so people, especially if they listened to the tapes too much, started like, accidentally going to this mental state they’d created at random inopportune times. the thread was suddenly full of people desperate to know how to stop it because they were turning into rainbow dash in the middle of driving on a highway to work, or whatever

anyway, i’m just burdened with that knowledge forever, now. i think about it a lot

this post radiates unfathomable amounts of dark energy

this post is contemporary Lovecraft

maneth985:

papi-chulo-bucky:

papi-chulo-bucky:

Do y’all want to hear a secret story I’ve never told anyone?

(ok here goes. its funny i promise)

At the time this story took place, I was like 6 years old. Growing up, I was a very mature child because I was never around other kids my age. My mom used to work a lot, so that left me with my dad but my dad was high off his ass (weed smoker) all the time, so he’d be passed out. My siblings were all in their late teens and with friends, so when I got home it was just me by myself. Everyday

And I had no other way to entertain myself than by watching TV. I watched everything, but my favorite was the after dark shows that came on HBO and stuff. The down side of watching those things was that I learned about things that was way ahead of my time with no adult supervision. 

Well, one day when I came home from school I was watching TV (dad was alseep again and I was alone) and I saw one of those little flity phone companies. They were like sex operators or whatever, but at that time, my naive ass just thought that it was to find best friends. Like penpals and stuff, so one day I got the house phone and dialed the number.

The first thing that popped up was this super seductive voice but my dumb ass just assumed the person was sick (lmfao) and it said “For a man, press one. For a woman, press two.”

So I was thinking “Boys are gross, I need a best friend that’s a girl.” So I pressed two.

It rang a couple times until this lady answered the phone and I remember her saying “Hey, my name is Cynthia. What’s your name?”

So I was like ‘shit I gotta come up with something cool to tell my bestie’ “What’s up, Cynthia.”

And immediately, she got super quiet before she asked me “Um…whom am I speaking to?”

“The name is Delilah, but all my friends call me D.” (I remember I was coloring in my Lisa Frank diary when I said it too omg)

And Cynthia got quiet again before speaking. “Uh, how old are you?”

“I’m six and a half.” *scribbles in diary harder* “What about you?”

So she got super quiet again and was like “Uh…sweetie, where is your mother?”

“My mom’s at her job. Something my dad can’t seem to get.” *takes a sip from juicebox*

And I could hear her let out a stiffled laugh from the other line before clearing her throat. “Well, where is your father?”

“My dad smoked too much weed again and he passed out. Again.”

This time, she let out a louder laugh and I was like ‘heck yeah I made a friend. Check mate.’

So Cynthia askes me another question. “You’re not old enough to be on here, honey. I think you should hang up.”

So I got really pressed and kinda got sassy with her and busted out a line I had seen used in the movie Clueless. “Listen Cynthia, I’m a young, independent woman that don’t need no man. I need a friend, okay? It said you’d be nice to me on the TV.”

At this point I could hear her laughing really loud and before I could finish, she stopped me. “C-Can you hold on one second, honey? I’ll be right back. Stay right where you are.”

I was like “Okay.” And in the mean time, I made me a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and got some juice to get comfy while I waited. She finally came back like five minutes later and asked me if I was still there. I told her I was and this time, I could hear my voice echo a bit, meaning I was on speaker obivously.

“How old are you again?” She asked.

“I’m six and a half, don’t forget it, girlfriend!” *sassily snaps my fingers and takes  a sip from juice*

This time, i could hear people laughing and saying ‘oh my god’ and shit like that in the background, so I asked her who it was. She told me they were her buddies and I remember saying something like “It’s always good to have ya homeis with you, right?’ and everyone laughed again.

Then they started asking me all kinds of shit too.

“Where do you live?”

“In a house, duh.”

“What school do you go to?”

“Why? So you can kidnap me? No thanks, girl.”

“How did you even get this number?”

“The TV, duh.”

Now after a while the group of people buzzed off and it was just me and Cynthia on the phone. We had a cool conversation about Lisa Frank books and I learned that she lived in Seattle with her boyfriend and that she had a little girl a couple years older than me.

At one point, I told her about the boys in my school that were bullying me and that I didn’t think I was very pretty. And you know what? She gave me some advice that I never forgot, even til this very day I still remembered it. She told me,

“Sometimes people will be mean to you for no reason and they won’t like you, but all that matters is if you like you. If you like yourself, that’s all that matters.”

Now at one point, nine o’clock rolled around and it was my bedtime, so I sadly told Cynthia “Okay, bestie. Its my bed time. I don’t wanna miss out on my beauty sleep.” and after exchanging goodbyes, we hung up.

So yeah, that’s my experience with the chatlines. Sometimes I think about Cynthia and wonder what happened to her in life. Is she still with her boyfriend? How is her daughter? I’ll never know.

I never told anyone this until now because its too good not to share lmfao. Adult supervision is important!

This is an adorable story lol

glumshoe:

glumshoe:

I’m at a grocery store and one of my high school classmates is working here. She’s facing the only exit I can go through. We used to be friends until she got mad at me for telling her that Ophiuchus didn’t have to change how she interacted with astrology if it upset her.

Time to use everything I’ve learned from spy movies and escape.

SUCCESS! I used every trick up my sleeve and escaped undetected by eating samples until she left her post. Batman would be so proud.

There’s so much to consider here, but why was she upset about Ophiuchus?

If Jesus was Jewish why did he make a Catholic Church and not a Judaism church? I’m confused. I also don’t want to be Catholic but people say it’s the church Jesus founded therefore it’s the only true one

revkryssie:

Jesus did not start ANY church.

He was always Jewish.

His followers started churches after they were kicked out of Judaism. Some of those churches became the Roman Catholic Church; others the Syrian and Ethiopian Orthodox Churches; still others (in India) the Mar Thoma Church.

The Greek and Eastern Orthodox split from the Roman Church around 1000ad the Protestant churches began to split off in 1517.

ALL who follow Jesus no matter what their particular church is called are part of the continuous tradition stretching back to the disciples.

The foundation of Christianity is Jesus’ own Jewish wisdom teaching and if the disciples hadn’t been expelled from Jewish worship and study spaces we would still be just another denomination of Judaism. I’d be ok with that, but that’s not what happened.

Peace,Kryssie