Category: Uncategorized

deusabinitio:

charlesoberonn:

At my funeral, I’m gonna hire somebody with a scar to look over my body and audibly whisper “I should’ve been the one to finally take you out.”

Alternatively, they could also whisper “They won’t get away with this. I’m gonna finish what you started, old friend.”

They’ll have instructions to read the room and choose which they deem best fit

etirabys:

argumate:

etirabys:

guy who invented the piano: what if we laid a harp on its side and added hammers

musician: you clumsy oaf, you just knocked over my harp with your toolbox!

guy who’s about to invent the piano: oh, haven’t you heard?

how dare you take this mediocre shitpost and make it genuinely funny

It’s even funnier, because the harpsichord predated the piano, so it was more like

guy who invented the piano: We already have a sideways harp…. but what if hit strings with hammers instead of pluck them?!

elizabitchtaylor:

motorpsycho–nightmare:

elizabitchtaylor:

i hate it when someone walks in on me while I’m doing my impression of Ratigan from the Great Mouse Detective

idk if youre joking or not, but this honest to god reminds me of the time someone walked in on me in the changing room at the thrift store and i was fully dressed in an outfit i picked out as an homage to dustin hoffman in tootsie

AHAHAHA. And no I am not joking…. I was singing World’s Greatest Criminal Mind to myself in the gym shower because I thought I was alone… I was not