I’ve had a lot of conversations over the past few months where I tell people why I no longer to go to DO events. And the response I have gotten is… idk, pity? Like I am doing something performative?
Like, guys: I WANT TO GO TO THESE EVENTS TOO! I actively miss DO, the way you miss a failed relationship. 😛 Winter Fire was the first kink event I ever went to where I felt comfortable, and I’ve been going to it and other DO Ramblewood events for nearly a decade. It was a huge part of my life, and 99% of my friendships were made through DO events. I didn’t give all that up on a whim!
But when they keep inviting the same people with the same damn consent issues back every year, that’s a problem. When they keep using people for labor and not paying them, that’s a problem too. But when people who are much better at this kind of thing than me have asked these events to change their policies, and they haven’t in any meaningful way… well, what am I supposed to do in response?
Not patronizing these events is a protest. It’s the only form of protest I have to show that I think kink events should actively bar people who have a history of ignoring people’s consent, and that we should look to better people than that to teach our classes. It’s the only way I know to say that I think people not being paid for their work is unfair.
I am not doing this for fun, or because I think DO events are “uncool”, or because I have magically found somewhere else in the DMV where I can access classes taught by @dudesindistress or have a hook suspension done at a price I can afford. This is a protest! I’m not doing this because I am getting anything out of it for myself! Cutting yourself off from things you used to really love because you don’t feel like you have a better option sucks balls!!!
The other thing I can’t understand is how when I have these conversations with people, they increasingly do know about the issues with DO and they’re just… fine with it, I guess? Like I can understand being like “There is nowhere else like this to go in the DMV, I am going to keep going even though I know shit is happening” (I have a rare fetish, I know what it’s like to not have anywhere to go.) But y’all aren’t making me think you are worth working with or playing with if your response to consent violations and people not getting paid is “I know” and nothing else.
Like what the fuck you guys. Do you like… not think anything we’ve heard is true, or think people not getting paid for their labor is fine in general, or what??? Explain yourselves.
So all the comments I’ve gotten on this post are on Fetlife (which isn’t surprising, because this is a very “DC BDSM Scene” specific post), but so far the comments have fallen into some very distinct camps and I just have to sound off about them:
1. “You’re right, DO is shit!” (Understandable.)
2. “DO has made a lot of changes to their structure… but you’re right, I don’t trust them anymore.” (These comments are the most heartbreaking, BTW.)
3. “If you don’t like [major kink event], don’t go! … also here is all the bad stuff other events do!” (I shouldn’t laugh about this one… BUT I AM. There’s a really good point to be made here if… they could… just see it. XD)
4. “Why aren’t you condemning Jeff Mach Events?” (Well, see, I have never been to a Jeff Mach event and therefore I don’t have any reason to talk about them in the way I do DO. It’s really hard to protest an event you’ve never been to! :P)
Mooncustafer 