glumshoe:

atlasnods:

glumshoe:

tiny-septic-box-sam:

glumshoe:

stupidjewishwhiteboy:

jewishbookwyrm:

glumshoe:

The Disney movie really makes him out as a sweet, innocent boy simply led astray, but the original Pinocchio is an obnoxious little shit. He’s horrible. Also, the book makes less sense than my dreams.

Didn’t he join a gang or something

As I remember he alternates being the worst little shit and being painfully painfully naive

Yeah, a lot happens to him that isn’t his fault and people take advantage of his naivity to make him do horrible things, so you do feel sorry for him… but then he turns around and is a jerk for no reason and goes around kicking his dad, murdering talking crickets, stealing, and being willfully awful to people. The Blue Fairy is constantly giving him chances like “You can be a flesh boy if can calm your tits and not betray everyone for five minutes!” and he’s like “That sound great! I’d love to be a flesh boy! But first I want to do crimes.”

Can you please give us a synopsis of the book cuz it sounds hilarious but I can’t be bothered to read it rn

A guy finds a piece of pine wood that yells at him so he’s like “huh this wood is real scary, I bet the town puppeteer would love it” and as soon as Geppetto carves it, it kicks him and runs away to go do crimes or something. Geppetto is falsely arrested for puppet abuse, Pinocchio comes home to eat his food, murders the talking cricket after it tells him he shouldn’t be wicked, and then burns his own damn feet off through sheer incompetence. Geppetto makes him new ones and then he fucks off to go to a puppet show, gets robbed, and then is hanged until dead. The Blue Fairy rescues him and the talking cricket comes back as a ghost to call him an asshole until he wakes up. Then he fucks off again, gets conned by the same people in the same way again, gets sentenced to jail for being an idiot, steals food again, and then The Blue Fairy fakes her death out of frustration with him. His dad gets vored by a fish, and then Pinocchio a good boy for a while, only to fuck off again to a pleasure island right before he’s allowed to become a fleshboy. He transformes into a donkey until fish eat his skin off, he’s vored by the fish that ate his dad, they escape, and then they both move in with the talking cricket who may or may not still be a ghost. Pinocchio is consistently good for a while and so becomes a flesh boy and looks at his own puppet corpse while contemplating morality. At one point, there a snake/train hybrid creature that blocks a road.

Ship there are time you write with the narrative complexity of translations of the Odyssey, and other times you write this

we can’t all be good flesh boys, Helen

progenyofworms:

prokopetz:

dirkar:

Why study for exams when you can deduce the answers based on context clues from other questions and then use those answers to provide you with even more context clues for even more questions in an hour-long stress-fueled Professor Layton-esque logic puzzle extravaganza of future-hinging doom.

Believe it or not, if you want to do well in academia, this particular skill set is at least as important as knowing how to study properly.

Acing an exam doesn’t require filling in answers that are, in some abstract sense, “correct”; it requires filling in what whoever authored the exam thinks the correct answers are. Often the two have very little to do with one another!

Working up a mental profile of the exam’s author based on the wording and arrangement of the questions and going “okay, if I was the joker who wrote this thing, what would I expect the correct answer to be?” is a totally legitimate exam-writing skill, and arguably more critical than actually knowing the material.

so that’s how I passed everything

emkaymlp:

italian themed restaurants: at least 6 italian flags hanging up on the walls, “now that’s what i call italian music” cd bought from walmart playing through the speakers

italian restaurants: framed pictures of both mother theresa and the pope, italian newspaper clippings about the italian soccer team dating from at least 30 years ago, there’s a soccer game playing on the tv mounted to the wall but it’s nearly inaudible over the sound of loud italian talking coming from the kitchen

molly-ren:

essieincinci:

molly-ren:

ofgeography:

tofuidol:

ofgeography:

the honest answer to this is that my birthday is next month so my brain has just decided i’m 25 now. i’m not. i’m 24. could i fix that typo?? i sure could. am i going to?? i’m sure not.

Here’s a fun fact for all the younguns out there: once you hit about 23 or 24 you literally start forgetting how old you are. Your brain decides it’s more a general range of ages you could possibly be. I have once or twice had to count back to my birth year to make sure I was remembering correctly. It’s all very alarming. 

how many times have i been asked my age by a doctor or official of some sort and replied, “how old am i? how old am i. well, i will tell you!! i will…tell you how old that i am. i am…more than twenty. i was born in ’91, which makes me…more…than–aha! twenty-four!! yes. i am twenty-four.”

I’m 30. I periodically think I am 25, which I am pretty sure I did not do when I was actually 25.

I’ve answered “forty” for the past 3 years. I’m actually 37.

I like this approach ^ Normalize it before you get to the big 4-oh!