Tag: yelling at god still counts as prayer

(Spirituality anon) Thank you so much! I was placed in a Jesuit high school actually, and while at first I didn’t want to be there, I came to learn and love the way my school taught me about inherent human goodness, and that we were on Earth to spread God’s love. I may not believe in the same exact details, but the idea behind it all – that everyone has good in them, that helping others and making the world a better place is what we’re meant to do – that’s what I love. Anyways, thank you again!

engrprof:

fialleril:

No problem, anon!

And since you mention the Jesuits: part of the reason I was drawn to Catholicism, and ultimately decided to convert, was that my first exposure to Catholicism was when I went to a Jesuit college. And they presented faith exactly the way you’re talking about here.

For the first time in my life I heard that humans are fundamentally good, that God delights in us and in our diversity of experiences, that the holy can and does infuse every moment and every action, that human emotions are sacred. And that God loves justice. That God has a preferential option for the poor and the oppressed. That our calling is to work for justice in this world, in this moment.

I mentioned in my tags on the last post that anger is an important part of my spirituality. So, here’s a story:

In my junior year of college (I majored in theology), I took a class on prayer from one of the Jesuits. And one of the books we read was God and You: Prayer as a Personal Relationship.

It’s a very short, very simple book, and it completely changed the way I think about prayer. Because it approached prayer as a friend relationship, one which relies on emotional honesty. And there’s an entire chapter on anger. Not just anger at other people. But also anger at God.

The church I grew up in would have cried blasphemy at the very idea of being angry at God. But the truth was, I was angry at God. Sometimes I still am.

And I read that chapter and I was entranced, but I was also horrified, because there was all of this indoctrination in my head, saying, “You can’t do this. This is wrong and you’re bad!”

So I went to talk with the Jesuit who was teaching the course. And he gave me a simple assignment. He said, effectively, “You have permission to be angry. Pray with that. Tell God exactly what you’re feeling. God can take it.”

To this day I think that first angry prayer was one of the most profound moments of my life. I went out into the garden at night and just screamed at God in rage.

And you know what? It was brutal. But it was honest. And I felt closer to God in that moment than I ever had in years of prayers of thanksgiving and repentance.

And I just wanted to put that story out there for anyone who may be in a place similar to mine, and especially for any other survivors of religious abuse. Your anger is not just valid: it’s holy.

Many of the Psalms in the Bible are that – screaming at God.
God can take it!